Sunday, December 12, 2010

So we had our production of "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" this weekend. The first night (Saturday) went very well. But the second night (Sunday) was even better, especially the response from the audience. We all were so blessed to be able to be in a great play. I laughed, smiled, got frustrated, cried, stressed. Bryan and I were not sure if it was going to turn out sometimes, but it did.
The admission was to bring a canned good or dry food for out food pantry. Boy did God bless the food pantry through the admission giving. We have so much food to put over there.
As I was doing this play. I realized on Saturday night that my mom has never missed any of my performances I have been in, whether is be my beauty pageants, plays, or choir concerts, she was there. Now with sports due to work she had to miss a bunch of those over the years, but came to way more than she missed. But after coming to the conclusion early on that she would not be attending this performance, made my hard beat a little harder during my first monologue of the play and some tears fall after the play as well. We have an interesting relationship, but sometimes I need to have a little bit of normal, and her being there was normal growing up.
I think I did well and it was great regardless, but with her not being there I felt I needed that affirmation from a parent like person there. I of course heard it from Jamie (Bryan's mom constantly) which was great, and a few others. But there were two people who I hoped I would hear it from. I didn't, BUT tonight I did get a hug from one of them who never hugs me and I could almost feel God talking to me when it happend.
It was all very fast, but I felt him say this, "Amanda you are loved and you did great, BUT you do not need affirmation from the world, for you are my child, and I love you, that's what matters, and this play was NOT about you." Oh goodness "I hear you Lord." It's true. But God knows me and my emotional, sensitive heart so well that he preformed an act of love through a very important person in my life for me. Even if I should find my affirmation in him, he gave me that to know that this individual does love me.
God you are wonderful. Thank you for those things I may not technically need to live, but you know is the desire of my heart! Thank you for the talent of acting and performing. I love it and I'm ready to do it again.

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