Wednesday, May 25, 2011

So obviously I haven't post in, well, let's just say... a long time and leave it at that. It's late and I can't fall asleep, so I decided to write on my blog. For I was afraid it was getting lonely without my constant watch and attention to it.

Don't worry other bloggers, i still read your blogs.

So what's been going on in my life. I'll make a list, it's long, but I'll keep it direct and focused on the major events:

-I got a job with Novo Ministries. I get the honor to work with inner city children through teaching them about the Bible, God, and just investing in their lives. I love these children so much already. If I am never able to have children, I will praise God for giving me children at these sights that I can love and teach all the time.

-Bryan and I celebrated 2 years of Marriage last weekend. Crazy how time goes by. The memories of Hawaii are still so vivid in my mind, as if it was only a few months ago that we went.

-We went to Dallas for an anniversary vacation. We had a good time, we did lots of things, and laughed a lot. But it was also a rough time for me...

-A very close friend, Holly, graduated and moved back home to Pennsylvania where her family lives. I cried so much on the way to Dallas. I love this girl so much, and just to see how much she has grown in all ways, is such an inspiration to me. It;s harder now that I'm home and can't just call her to come over and hang out. She's really gone! I hate goodbyes... Why???

It's not the fact that I have to stand there and watch the person walk or drive away. It's not because I can't hang out with them and watch movies (ok maybe that a little bit). It's not even the talks I have with them face to face. I think what I hate most about goodbyes, is the fact that I lose control. I'm realizing more as I go further into marriage, that I love control. I Love Holly and I hate her not being here to hang out and do nothing together, and talk about anything. But I hate that with her gone, I am once again taught that I can't control everything, I have to let somethings go. This doesn't mean i don't want her to move back, but it means I have to support her and love her and not let her absence lead to my depression. I have to let it all go and rely on God. I don't have to control things and try to protect myself anymore.

Oh yeah that's another thing Im still working on. I have realized with my fairly recent closeness with 'the gang' as we all like to refer to our group of friends, that I have a very hard time trusting people who want to be friends. Since I was little I have had a difficult time with friends and it always leaves me sad, and feeling sorry for myself. But I can't just not hang out with people because of it. If they want to hurt me or say mean things or even decide to not be my friend, oh well. I have the most amazing best friend, Bryan Storie and I know he's not leaving willingly. Plus I have other friends that would surround me in a hard time as that.

I think I got off track from my list. I will add to the list later, for this writing may have spurred the sleep region of my brain to want sleep. Guess I will try again to get some rest.