Monday, December 6, 2010

Here is my winter wonderland.

So I'm really having withdrawals from the snow in Iowa, so my background is now my little winter oasis that i can go to and feel a little closer to home.
I haven't written a lot so I thought I better get something together. When I don't write for awhile I start to feel a bit off. So I will include some thoughts and activities in my life lately.
First: Bryan and I are having so much fun with Christmas and all the things that come with it. Decorating being the main thing. I haven't lived in a house since 2001, so i haven't put lights on my own house for quite awhile, and this year God blessed us with a wonderful home. And Bryan was so wonderful to put Christmas lights on it for us. They look great. Sookie is also loving Christmas, mostly the stuffed Christmas animals we have sitting out. They are now HER new christmas stuffed animal TOYS. We love to decorate so much that We helped Bryan's mom decorate her house and I decorated my office at work. I just love bringing the holidays to attention through beautiful decorations since the weather is not giving me much of an indication that Christmas is just around the corner... I had to add that in there.
With my withdrawals from Iowa, i've been feeling... well... very nostalgic. If anyone knows me much at all, they know exactly how I remember things very vividly, good and bad. Lately I've really been missing many people that were so important in my life in Iowa. Some of them I still talk to every once in awhile, and other I never get to talk to or see. I also have been thinking back about my years in college. Things sure do happen fast. But to all of those people in my life at certain times, Thank you for affecting my life and making me the person I am. I have grown more than I could imagine, but also have so so far to go.
I'm still on my weight loss journey. It's been very slow-going the past 4 months or so, I will lose than gain, or not lose much at all. I know there are many factors as to why I can't lose weight very fast like i used to be able to. Those mainly being my body changing and and being all messed up. But also i think I figured out what another factor could be and it's actually a good one. In college there were many times I would go home for the summer and work out constantly, like three times a day I would walk 3-4 miles. So about 9-12 miles a day I was walking and sleeping in between those time, so I wasn't eating much. This was because I was struggling with depression and worried about people loving me as someone who was not skinny. Which I have unfortunately struggled with my whole life. But i now have an amazing husband who I know without a doubt, no matter what will love me and think I am beautiful. So i think this makes me feel like i don't have to lose weight so fast, slow is the best way anyhow. I just know the slow is ok, b/c Bryan will love me forever.
It's quite amazing to feel this way, b/c to be frank, I never felt this kind of love from someone towards me growing up except for possibly one person. And he died before i had a chance to acknowledge that amazing love. I am so fortunate, and I know that I am loved. WOW, just to type those words makes me realize how wonderful it it. Bryan's love for me makes me realize how much more amazing and real God's love for me is. I will always be beautiful. But I won't quit trying to get in better shape and be healthier either.
I really neeed to write more frequently so I don't write so much each time and I have a chance to try to write better. I always feel so rushed in updating this blog, b/c I have so much I want to say. hehe.
Anyhow things are good, I've really been on my knees a lot in prayer lately for people in my life and things in my personal life, and God is truly blessing Bryan and I in our weaknesses and stress. So it's all gonna be ok and God has an amazing plan.

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